Lonnie van der Schilden
2 min

Unmasking Authenticity: The Art of Liberating Yourself from the Need to Please

2 min


In a world that often celebrates conformity and validation from others, the concept of authenticity has become more vital than ever. Authenticity means being true to oneself, unapologetically embracing who you are, and living in alignment with your values and beliefs. One of the most common obstacles to achieving authenticity is the pervasive desire to please others. In my work as a Tippingpoint guide I help my clients to liberate themselves from from their mask.
 In this article I will talk about the yearning to please mask.


The Yearning to Please

The urge to please others is deeply rooted in our social nature. From an early age, we are conditioned to seek approval, praise, and acceptance from our family, peers, and society at large. This desire for approval often becomes a powerful force that shapes our behavior, decisions, and even our sense of self-worth. To strong of a statement? Just feel back into your childhood: wouldn’t you do anything to ensure that your parents noticed you? At that age, you have to as you subconsciously know that If you are not noticed, you will not be taken care of and you will die.
 That’s why we also talk about masks as survival mechanisms.

Variations of the Mask

The masks we wear are symbolic representations of the personas we adopt to meet the expectations and demands of others. These masks may manifest in various ways:

1. The Conformist Mask: This mask seeks to blend in, avoid conflict, and adhere to societal norms. It's characterized by a fear of standing out or being different.

2. The People-Pleaser Mask: People who wear this mask often put others' needs and desires above their own. They may sacrifice their own well-being and authenticity to maintain harmony and gain approval.

3. The Perfect Persona Mask: This mask is driven by the need for external validation through achievement and success. It often leads to a relentless pursuit of perfection, even at the cost of one's mental and emotional well-being.

4. The Impersonator Mask: Some individuals go to great lengths to adopt the traits and interests of others in an attempt to fit in or be liked. This can lead to a loss of one's own identity and a sense of self.

Emotional Toll of Constant Pleasing

Living under the weight of these masks can take a toll on one's emotional well-being. It may lead to:

1. Anxiety and Stress: The constant pressure to meet others' expectations can lead to chronic stress and anxiety, as individuals grapple with the fear of disappointing or being rejected.

2. Loss of Self-Identity: Over time, the act of pleasing others can erode one's sense of self, leaving them feeling disconnected from their own desires and needs.

3. Depression and Burnout: The emotional strain of constantly trying to be what others want can lead to feelings of depression and eventual burnout.

Recognizing the Mask

Recognizing that you're wearing a mask is the first step toward embracing authenticity. Here are some signs to look out for:

1. Feeling Drained: If interactions with others consistently leave you feeling emotionally exhausted, it may be an indication that you're not being true to yourself.

2. Inconsistency in Behavior: Notice if your behavior varies drastically depending on the company you're in. Authenticity is about being consistent, regardless of who you're with.

3. Ignoring Your Own Needs: If you routinely prioritize others' needs over your own, it's a sign that you may be wearing a people-pleaser mask.


Authenticity is a journey, and shedding the masks we wear to please others is a crucial step towards self-discovery and genuine connection. By recognizing the reasons behind our desire to please, understanding the masks we wear, and acknowledging the emotional toll it can take, we can also decide to investigate what’s under the mask! As the habit of the mask is a survival mechanism, it is recommended to ask the support of a professional to help you uncover it.

You can’t see what’s on the sticker of a bottle when you are in the bottle right?

 By uncovering it we will empower ourselves to live more authentically.
 Remember, authenticity is not about being perfect, but about being true to the essence of who you are.